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CritiWriting: Let's Critique Eachother's Writing!

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Rut :| [Mar. 3rd, 2013|02:28 pm]
CritiWriting: Let's Critique Eachother's Writing!

critiwriting

[parakain]
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I think I need more time. I'm still struggling very much with this story. I might want to try to simplify it a bit or something. Maybe change some elements to give everyone a bit more of a direction. I completed a script outline of chapter 2, looked at it and was like 'This is retarded' and started writing a tree of characters and their motivations instead.

I dunno what I'm gonna do :\. Maybe it's the stress of work right now? Maybe it's the lack of motivational/inspirational music with this? I don't know what is wrong with me here. It's March already and getting to the point where I might want to begin editing Sirenia anyway. Maybe I'll do that. I don't know yet.

Anyway, as for this, I dunno what the hell this is. I had to write something, so I sat down and wrote out a little blurb of what Arcelina is doing as a healthy 25-something-in-human-age-equivalent elf ~23 years after the events of the original story. It doesn't have much in the way of a point or even a plot for that matter, it's just a tiny little short story exploring a possibility.


- New Beginning -

                30 years ago, I was a scared child huddled in an empty train car with my brother. My very family had turned against me when they learned I wasn't like other children. The elders of my tribe deemed me a monster unfit to live among the proper elves, and cast me out. My brother- for daring to speak against them- for daring to stand up for me- found himself in the same lot.
                Back then, I only remembered crying. The exact reason eluded me. Was it because my brother was in despair and blamed me in his thoughts, despite his insistence that he did not? Was it because I would never be welcome in my home again? Was it the distant expressions my friends gave me when their parents disallowed them from ever coming near me?
                "Entering Theralan city limits."
                My gaze snapped up to the intercom. The train was almost at its destination: that loathsome place I once called home. My gaze drifted out the window next to my seat and found the upper branches of the great tree Therala peeking over the horizon. I felt no nostalgia. Instead, a feeling of light uneasiness- perhaps a little bitterness as well- welled up inside of me.
                Things were different now. I was no longer the scared child Arcelina of Therala. I was Arcelina Gertrude, the adopted daughter of the rich mogul Delila Gertrude. I had a new home, with a family that accepted me for who I was. A family that had been through the same hardships and understood what it meant to be 'different.'  Were I so easily satisfied, I could have remained with them and blissfully avoided my past forever.
                But I wasn't. I longed to face that past and, if I couldn't conquer it, at the very least make my peace with it. Perhaps then I could find the meaning to my existence.
                That might have sounded brave, but I was hardly so confident. I second guessed myself throughout the train ride. Was I in enough control of my abilities to handle being on my own for the first time? Would I be able to handle the prejudice I would no doubt encounter? My brother thought I was crazy for wanting to do this. He might have been right. But I needed to do it. And I needed to do it alone.
                The city proper began to pass us by. Though it was a city founded and ruled by elves, Theralan, like the rest of the Union of Sirenia, had attracted residents of other races. The city was much more advanced than it had been when I lived here. There were paved roads now, but those roads were surrounded on all sides by carefully tended gardens. Cars, once discouraged by the city's elven residents, now populated these roads much like any other large city. The royal elven-style rock and brick homes that I remembered were still present in droves, of course. They were thin and tall like the trees they were inspired by and tightly grouped. Yet now there were also typical human and orc style houses and office buildings that were wide and extended both under and above ground.
                "Now arriving at Oak Station."
                The train slowed and the crowded station panned into the view of my window. When I was a child, I would have seen a crowd of disapproving royal elves; the train was disliked but a necessary evil. But this station now, with its colorful mix of humans, vulk, orcs and elves of many tribes, reminded me more of my new home than the dreadful place I'd left.
                I was armed with little more than a backpack of essential belongings and a persuasive letter to the Theralan Council from the Shaman Chieftain of the Derolas tribe. I wasn't sure what my future in this city held or what would become of me. Would I be able to live here after all this time and find closure to what had happened here 30 years ago? Or would I fail and be forced to return home to the familiar scenery and loving family I'd grown accustomed to?
                Regardless of what would happen, it was time to face it head on.
                This was my new beginning.

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Comments:
[User Picture]From: asriopia
2013-03-06 04:01 am (UTC)
I hope writing something lighter helped! Was it helpful to just /do/ something? (Maybe I should try that, too.) It was cute. Also, Arcy is a masochist.

But man, it sounds like we're both kind of at our wit's end this week. :\ I wish I had any good ideas. I have no idea how to encourage yourself to brainstorm when you have no good ideas.

Man, I was tempted to take a break from Sigils this week and write something dumb, but what if it doesn't help? What if I still don't want to go back to it next week?

I also rediscovered why I stopped working on the Necromancer story! It was also two vague character ideas and a big I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN FOR A PLOT

It's frustrating. :\
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[User Picture]From: parakain
2013-03-06 05:46 am (UTC)
To be honest, I dunno if it actually helped anything relevant. It did feel -good- to crank something out, even if it wasn't exactly great reading material. It also did get me ideas going for another story where she has to solve murders in Theralan but like...that takes me away from this one. And I also don't want to do that thing that you did with Elsmoth where there's X stories in a series and I haven't even published/marketed one.

OTOH, murder mysteries are a little easier to work with than the Gigantic Mysterious Conspiracies I've been writing in the last two stories.

Maybe you should try it. If it's not helping, you can just go right back to Sigils. Just force yourself to write something tiny and inconsequential, see if it maybe gives your creativeness a jump start.

So you have ideas, but no places to take them for the necromancer :\. Maybe I could help with that?
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[User Picture]From: asriopia
2013-03-06 06:44 am (UTC)
Yeah, I was going to do something meaningful tonight, but I ended up reading through (and kinda-editing) Sigils Chapters 1-5 again. :\

If you really wanted to do more Sirenia stuff, you could still avoid the Elsmoth pitfall! You could do a lot with the theme without making it a direct sequel. If you made something that's loosely or totally unconnected to the first story, it could stand alone by itself.

But yeah, the Necromancer story is hard. :\ I can bounce stuff of you, yeah! I can throw the couple of sentences I have on my Wiki on you and see if you have any ideas. Right now I don't even know how magical a world I want. Maybe I should make a world and a mythos before I try to make a plot. I dunno. :\ I don't have ideas for any of it, so...
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